Episode 11: Nobody Knows Anything
Pilot Episode: The Sopranos
Tony: I'm not gonna hurt a man that I love because of some cop gossip from a degenerate fuckin' gambler with a badge. You understand me?
Vin: You know... You got an amazing ability to sum up a man's whole life in a single sentence. "Degenerate gambler with a badge." You're a pisser, you're a real pisser.
Tony: Well i'm sorry, I'm under a little bit of pressure here. I don't have time to suck your dick.
Vin: Apology accepted.
Tony: Puss, you got options. Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't have options, 'cause you got friends. Look at me. Friends that would die for you. You understand me?
Pussy: Friends. Yeah, I know.
Tony: You got anything you want to say to me?
Pussy: Like what?
Tony: Like you want some coffee, Tony, you want something to eat? . . . What do you think, I'm gonna let you eat all those fucking cannoli's by yourself? You beached whale.
Tony: We need to be 110 percent sure. I want you to see it. I want you to see that fuckin' wire strapped on his body. I want you to see it. You hear me? I want you to see it. Otherwise all bets are off. You understand? This is our friend we're talking about here. You say it. You understand?
Paulie: Why don't you want to take your clothes off?
Pussy: I got high blood pressure, you fucking idiot . . . My doctor mentioned steam and sauna specifically as no-no'S. He said stay the fuck away from heat. Thanks for the thought. But get out of my fucking face.
Episode 12: Isabella
Chris: Maybe he's depressed . . . He talked to me about it.
Silvio: Depression? What the fuck do you know about depression?
Chris: Nothing I'm just saying, that's all. But he's sleeping all the time. He's not taking care of himself.
Silvio: A lot of top guys have dark moods. That Winston Churchill, drank a quart of brandy before breakfast. Napoleon, he was a moody fuck too.
Livia: Anthony. He sold my house. The home my husband and I made.
Junior: What else were they gonna do with it?
Livia: You too. . . I suppose he would have found it harder to have his meetings at my house then in this nursing home.
Junior: What are you talking about? Meetings?
Mikey Palmice: And I was very specific. He's not gonna suffer. He's gonna have an open casket. I promise.
Junior: Enough! I don't want to hear anymore. Jesus, Michael if I delegate, I delegate.
Junior: Look at her like that. Mariolina gave me my first hand job. Me and Vincent Maniscaloco in the alley behind the chicken market. God, what am I saying at this poor woman's wake.
Isabella: Tony, you should visit Avellino if your family come from there. There isn't too much left because of the many earthquakes but from the 17th century is still a beautiful palazzo, palazzo della dogna. There is a place in the corner of the palazzo, is a wine bar you can sit. You can see the hills and when it's spring you can smell the blossoms from the lemon trees. And there is a church with a bell, and they say, when it rings that means that a baby was born in the town. E un posto pacifico ... Tony? Are you on medication?
Tony: No. No.
Carmela: Who is she?
Tony: Dental student from italy.
Carmela: You know her?
Tony: We had lunch.
Carmela: Lunch? You fucking piece of shit. Going out to dinner with you is a distant memory for me. But you have time to take her to lunch. You are sinking this whole family into your misery with your wallowing and your complaining while I spoon-feed you and bathe you. All it takes is a half inch of another woman's thigh to get your ass out of bed? What am I, a fuckin' idiot? If I had an ounce of self respect, I'd cut your dick off.
Dead now , motherfucker!
Tony: Nothing's gonna happen.
Carmela: Wake up, Tony, it already did.
Tony: I took an oath, Carmela.
Carmela: What are you, a kid in a tree house?
. . .
Tony: What do you want me to do, Carmela? You want to move to Utah, Be Mr. and Mrs. Mike smith. We can sell some Indian relics by the road. Maybe start a rattlesnake ranch.
. . .
Carmela: This is our chance to get out, Tony. We could start a whole new life . . . You know what I want, Tony? I want those kids to have a father.
Tony: They got one. This one. Me. Tony Soprano. And all that comes with it.
Junior: I got Mikey and all my crew out there cracking heads to find out who did this.
Episode 13: I Dream Of Jeannie Cusamano
Tony: That's my mother we're talking about. Not some fuck up in attic, who stab you in the shower. See, we're through, you and I. We're finished. You're lucky if I don't break your fucking face in 50 thousand pieces.
Jimmy: I got enough cologne on?
Chris: You smell like Paco Rabanne crawled up your ass and died.
Jimmy: Easy for you to say. I don't get young ones like before.
Something did crawl up his ass
Junior: Anthony must have really gotten under your collar. Admit it. You're looking to crack his coglioni for putting you in here.
Livia: I don't know what you're talking about.
Junior: Yeah, and I'm playing shortstop for the Mets.
Junior: Uncle junior and I, we had our problems with the business. But I never should have razzed him about eating pussy. This whole war could have been averted. Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this.
Tony: Look I know. I'm sorry, okay? I'm gonna work on this problem with the people that pose a threat to you and I'll take care of it and you'll be able to come back.
Dr. Melfi: My God. People are gonna get murdered, aren't they?
Tony: Don't worry about those distractions. You keep your eye on the ball.
Artie Bucco: Why the fuck would I blow up your restaurant? To help me! You fuckin' bent psycho. You hear your uncle's gonna hurt my business by staging a hit in my place and that's your solution? To burn it down for the insurance money? What kind of stupid, sick twisted logic?
Tony: Alright. Ask yourself a question. Am I that fucking stupid? Huh? Am I that fucking stupid, really? My mother... God bless her, is going senile, Artie. You saw her.
Tony: I hear Artie Bucco came to see you.
Livia: Who is Artie?
Tony: Friend of mine from elementary school. He owns a restaurant. They had a little fire in it.
Livia: Came to see me? Where? Where are we talking about? Here?
Father Phil: I have feelings for you, Carmela, I admitted it. It's my job to deal with them so I can carry on my pastoral duties.
Carmela: How does Rosalie Aprile fit into your feelings for me? . . . I really appreciate everything that you've done for me, Father Phil, truly. The religious counseling, the book on Buddhism, the wonderful chats. I'm very fond of you. More than fond. But I think you need to look at yourself. Call this an intervention. I think you have this m.o. where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women and I think a lot of it's tied up with food somehow as well as the sexual tension game.
TV: Junior Soprano, alleged boss of the Jersey crime family that bears his name, was indicted today on federal racketeering charges.
Tony: Talk about fuckin' timing, he's lucky he's still alive.
TV: Not seized today, although named in the indictments, was alleged Soprano enforcer and loan-sharking chief, Michael "Grab Bag" Palmice. Authorities believe Palmice may have fled the New Jersey area acting on prior knowledge.
Tony: Lucky him.
Junior: My nephew running things? Not that strunz. Not in this life.
DiCaprio: Your Mom's had a stroke. The news on TV yesterday. It really upset her. Not that it's any of my business.
Tony: I tried to do the right thing by you and you try to have me whacked?
Tony: She's smiling. Look at the look on her face, look at the look on her face! She's smiling. Look at her face. She's got a fucking smile on her face.
Tony: I'd like to propose a toast... To my family. Some day soon you're gonna have families of your own. And if you're lucky, you'll remember the little moments...like this...that were good. Cheers.